Untying The Knot

Merriam-Webster defines marriage as "the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law."  Marriage is one of the most sacred events in many religions and is transforming as time continues.  In the past, the matrimonial ceremony would always take place in a holy building, such as a church or temple.  Recently, marriage has become less and less religious, and more of a social event.  People are beginning to get married on beaches, cruises, and even amusement parks to liven up the event.  But marriages are not all fun and games - any type of relationship requires an equal amount of work from both parties for the best results and overall satisfaction.

At Catholic weddings, new spouses vow to the other that they are "to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part." Sadly, many couples are not able to keep their promises and end up splitting up.  Divorce is starting to become a normal occurrence in this day and age, as approximately 50% of marriages end up in divorce.  According to The Huffington Post, the top ten reasons for divorce include:

1. Infidelity
2. Unhappiness
3. Too much arguing
4. Fell out of love
5. Little to no communication
6. Wanted different things
7. Their partner changed
8. Felt no connection to their partner
9. Abuse
10. Financial issues

People contemplating divorce take approximately two years to decide what they want, and spend 18 months out of 24 trying to fix and work things out in their relationship, whether it is for themselves or for their children.  A significant amount of people view divorce as a personal failure, causing them to be hesitant to make the heartbreaking choice of leaving their partner.  Divorce can happen to couples of all ages.  Surprisingly, it is becoming more and more common to find couples over 50 years old file for divorce.  As human life expectancy grows, people at the age of 50 are expected to live for another 25+ healthy years, and with the children grown up and moved out, people are likely to opt out of bad or even stale relationships.  In this day and age, there are many different options for people who are not excited by their marriages.  More often than not, divorces are initiated by women, as women are much less tolerant of an ordinary and unfulfilling relationship.  Maybe this is because relationships (and the idea of love) has been so romanticized, and more and more pressure is put on men to go above and beyond to show their affection for their partner. Women are beginning to expect men to give more because women are more in touch with their needs and are able to support themselves, and begin to put their own needs on the back burner for the sake of their marriage. Another explanation is that when a couple divorces, the women are usually favored, and are given custody of the children.  Men are afraid of losing their children, and will choose to continue in the relationship, even if they are unhappy.

Many people question whether marriage is a civil right or not.  According to the United States Constitution (specifically Section 1 of the Fourteenth Amendment), "No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."  This passage was applied to marriage in Supreme Court case Loving v. Virginia in 1967, where the Chief Justice stated, "The freedom to marry has long been recognized as one of the vital personal rights essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by free men ... To deny this fundamental freedom...is surely to deprive all the State's citizens of liberty without due process of law. The Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted...Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person...resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State."  This case was specifically speaking about interracial marriage, but in the current age, same-sex marriage is the new hot topic.  

Same-sex marriage is a very popular debate all over the nation.  While some states have legalized it, other states are extremely opposed to the idea.  Some feel that the sanctity of marriage will be ruined, while other oppose the union of same-sex couples based on religious beliefs.  However, as stated by the 1967 case, the freedom to marry or not should be up to the people involved, and not the governing bodies.  In my opinion, if two people love each other, then gender should not play a role in their ability to unite under the eyes of the law.

The Williams Institute, part of the University of California Los Angeles, conducted research to compare marriage and divorce statistics between straight and same-sex couples.  The research provided astounding results.  First, marriage is much more appealing for same-sex couples because it is not as easy to attain.  Furthermore, same-sex couples strive to earn the acceptance and symbolism that comes with marriage, while straight couples are only required to say "I do" (without any hate attached) to achieve the same things.  Another finding is that divorce rate is lower for same-sex couples.  The researchers believe that this is because partners in same-sex relationships are more likely to date for a longer period of time before agreeing to wed, giving them more time to experience arguments and commit to becoming a family.  

How I Met Your Mother star Neil Patrick Harris and his family.

These statistics get me to thinking about children with gay/lesbian parents.  Some children have straight parents that do not properly care for them and love them, but they are able to have as many children as they please because of their anatomy.  On the other hand, same-sex couples struggle to adopt children because they are the same gender, even though they will love and care for that child unconditionally because they are unable to conceive naturally.  This irritates me.  Personally, I don't think that the gender of the parents should be a barrier - as long as the child is properly cared for and loved, then the sex of the parents should not matter.